I’ve recently been reading through my Calm book, and at the very beginning it addresses the reasons why we might feel anxious. It asks you to think of what makes you personally anxious and why you think it makes you feel this way. So, as you do I thought of when I am most anxious, the big cause that eats away in my head. Giving it a lot of thought I think the big reason for me being anxious about a lot of things in my life is my fear of being left on my own. I know it sounds ridiculous, and its even more silly for me because I do like my own company for sure but even when I have that time to myself I prefer to have someone in the room so I don’t feel alone and vulnerable I guess…
There are many ways in which I can feel alone, and sometimes its merely me thinking ahead and not focusing on the present.
I think it has become more apparent when I have gotten into romantic relationships and sometimes I think, “what if they get bored of me?”, “what if they meet someone else”, there are many of these thoughts that swim around my tank of a brain and I know we as humans have these worries about our future lives because it’s natural instinct to think of these things.
Being an anxious person in the first place doesn’t help of course, and confidence has a lot to do with it too. It took me a while to realise that questioning these things is just making my anxiety worse, and that thinking too far ahead isn’t doing me a lot of good when I should be enjoying the present.
My mindset needs to focus on not the “what if’s.” With anything in life the now is most important than the future, because the future can change and you just have to deal with it when the time comes. For example when you sit and exam and you come out thinking you’ve failed, there’s nothing you can do until results day to find out the outcome. If you have, you can resit and go from there. There’s no point in worrying about something that hasn’t happened yet!
Anyone can feel alone, and sometimes its those who are surround by people that feel it most (strange but true). The only way I try and make my mind realise that I’m not really alone is simply by thinking of those who I do have around me, who means the most, who makes the effort with me and I them, and importantly if I told them I felt this way, who would reassure me. Simple but effective, and what the Calm book promotes the most is mindfulness, taking time to ourselves to think and observe the world around us.
Practicing this mindset in meditation has helped me a lot in the past few months, and I’m thinking differently and appreciating who and what I have in my life that make me not feel alone. Calling a friend or family member for a chat is a great action to take too when you’re on your own and left to your thoughts, they take your mind off things and you forget that you felt alone.
Like any panic/anxiety attacks they come and go sometimes out of the blue and there’s not much control at all. I think having a healthy balance of “me” time and socialising is the best way to help reduce these worries, and pushing ourselves to let someone know when we’re not feeling ourselves is a great way to help too.
I’m no expert of the human mind or anxiety, I can only say how I feel and what experiences I have. We all experience things differently, something that worries you may not worry me but that’s just what makes us who we are and that’s okay. Never be ashamed of what makes you anxious, work on it as much as you can but don’t rush because working at your own speed is what will help your anxiety. Someone may understand you better than others and that’s wonderful to relate to someone else when it comes to mental health, because like me I no longer feel like I’m going through it on my own.
So if you’re going to take anything away from this post it should be that your personal worries (big or small) are nothing to be ashamed of, and discussing them with others can help you out a lot. Take your time and keep going, because I know you’re all strong in your own unique ways!